Am i good enough?

In past few days, i see everyone is appreciating me for something or the other.
I think they are trying to hide my not so good side from me.
I know what all is happening, I know i am such a big culprit, I know i have so many weaknesses, I know i try to run away from lots of responsibilities, I know whats going on here in my mind..

Things for which i am being appreciated are those which i can easily do. The work i am doing is of high value for a lot out there, but what am I gaining from this?
Self satisfaction?
No, because i know it doesn't take much out of me for the kind of work expected from me.
But people think I am good at it. Maybe they are right, still, what am i gaining from this?
Enjoyment for being appreciated?
Not really, because this guilt of knowing my reality wouldn't let me enjoy.
But yes, it does make me feel good sometimes.
Recently i got the best compliment, someone whom i admire is envious of me because he thinks he lacks the kind of talent i have.
But do i really have that talent for which i am being praised?
I have a lot in my mind, unfortunately i have only questions in here, no answers..
I don't even know what i want from my life.
A respectable Job? I already have one,
Decent salary? yes its pretty much decent
A happy family? Obviously i have a lovely family

Then what is it that is bothering me....????
Am I good enough for the good things i get to hear about myself?
I need to hear the truth.. Though i know what the truth is.. but i want someone to tell me...
Neha, you need to change yourself, you need to remove all the dark clots you have in your mind and heart.
Phew!!

Yes now it feels lil good.

A note to myself..

The transition. Sadness of leaving behind many things. Goodbyes n lots of promises. You are still not over all this.
And then the change. A new chapter. A new life. U became a professional. You now are happy for d work u do. You have good people around to make ur moments unforgettable. You have a decent job. You start earning. You do many things for d first time. U do wat u always dreamed of.. u do things u always wanted to do. u don't care of money if its about fulfilling any stupid wish. You enjoy every second of ur life. Peace of mind makes all things move on so comfortably. And then u say.. yes life is beautiful :-)
Good going Neha..
This is how I always wanted your life to be..

Love
Neha :)

Winds of change

Strength i have gained,
For the times my heart pained.

Things i have learned,

That shall remain as a treasure earned.

Ahh I m tired of learning so many definitions and of keeping up pace with their consistently changing metaphorical meanings. Meanings are changing with altering aaj and kal’s. How was love defined for me and the way I feel about this fairy tale expression today. Friendship was just a simple word for me and what do my friends mean in the present day. Why when at school I wanted things which now don’t value me. Definitions of priorities are becoming dense day per day. Good is that I have a “forever” factor in relations I share with many a good people.
Who call me just when I need to talk about something :)
Who remind me of an exam which otherwise I would have missed for sure ;)
Who have the power to make me sad when I m in the best of my moods and to make me happy when the frame of mind has no defined coordinates :O
Who see those tears only when I wanted to hide them from every one and not when I earnestly want them to get noticed :P
Now don’t expect me to keep listing down these stupid things though I m sure I can end up writing pages if I m patient enough, which of course I m not :P

I still remember those days when nastiest enemies were my own closest friends. Enemies they became because they could score half a mark more in a math paper. Many things have changed. I’ve seen the best becoming worse and the pits becoming overwhelmingly great. It was sometimes jovial, on whiles embarrassing, occasionally depressing, and at times funny. It was all for my good, as both, the bright and the gloomy episodes, helped me establish my thoughts. All in all, just another brick in the wall. The wall that made me indifferent for many things.

And I may be in some fantasy world today feeling the righteousness in my beliefs; still I don’t want to make a dictionary with all new or altered definitions. Changes I know will definitely keep visiting with or without invitations, for there are obviously a few unstable things at present which I am sure will be steady with time.

I wish I meet only those winds of change which bring nothing more than pleasure and satisfaction and rest be obstructed by the walls built along the learning phases of life.

My mellowness shall reflect all dismal clouts.

AMEN