BATTLING CONFUSIONS

This grief is for the feeling of not being sufficient to achieve. The purpose might not be to actually achieve. This time it is to know if at all my capabilities are able enough to reach the desired end. The driver is the intention to overcome the guilt of incompetence. I know testifying would need investing lot of time.

Truth remains in my conscience. What that would be at the end is not what I want from my life. This is the rush of wants which others want. Impact of surroundings is the reason of wants. Still I want it. Be it for the impact or be it for the need to overcome the culpability.
And then I say how much fun it will be to achieve and then moving over without accepting? Need a word more precise than ‘funny’ to beat the situation? HaHa!! It is easy to talk big and to try to prove you don’t care but what if you are actually mad over certain issues.

Oh dear.. Why can’t you make a final decision before moving ahead?? Why are you always so confused…??
Wish i could battle my confusions......

THE HOLINESS OF MY HOLY CITY

It’s not as big a city as any of the metros of our country. But people here know how to welcome everyone wholeheartedly. This is a pious place whose foundation was laid by the great Guru Ram Das Ji in 1574. I know this place as the world’s best place. It is called Amritsar.

The holiness of my city not only lies in the historical connections but in its present potential also. “Present Potential” is what was displayed by establishment of India’s first ever Wall Mart Venture, known as “Best Price”, in my city. Venture analysts must have found that maximum benefits for the venture and for the local customers as well will be earned from this "not so big city" and not from other big cities of country like Mumbai or Delhi. From the time it opens in morning and till the last entry Best Price remains flooded. Benefiters are the local retailers of areas near by as they are getting best things at best possible prices. And benefiters also include many of my category who get their chocolates at much lower prices :P One roof and name anything; I literally mean any anything (obviously only the material things), you will find all under this one roof. I stood next to the section of my interest. Filled my basket with chocolates, chips, juices, soft drinks. And who would stop me when prices tell you should not leave anything.

Another instant, a thought of which always makes me overwhelmed with a sense of proud, happened when I was in Kashmir for a family outing. We were out for shopping in Sonmarg and my Maa wanted some good Kashmiri shawls. But somehow we were not appealed by the available designs (courtesy me… I rejected them all :P) then the shopkeeper said.. “Ye dekhiye madam.. Amritsar ka kaam hai..” this happened again when our hunt was on in Srinagar. This time the shopkeeper wanted to tell us good things about Amritsar ke suits. I felt as if I was a winner... even the great Himalayas don’t have what my city has (yes yes I know the beauty of that place is beyond any compare).
Mention of Amritsar is incomplete without a talk about world’s most peaceful place. Watching the reflection of Swarn Mandir in its Amrit Sarovar with silence all around, enjoying with the flow of multi-colored fishes taking pleasure with their jumps over the pond are among the moments I want to live forever.
For me the holiness of this city lies rooted with my own home. A flash of which brings a smile on my face. My room, the comfort, all memories. Hmmm… I love being there…
Long live the city! Long live the people of this city! Long live my memories associated with holy city!

How can I explain what I feel..

Why should I tell you my weakness,
You might exploit it someday.
How can I say to you what hurts me the most,
You might overlook sooner or later.
Questions keep flowing in this depthless ocean of thoughts
Contradictions, interpretations, arguments all dwell here...
Quite some notions bind my dilemma…
If not to you, with whom can I share my heart!?
I am afraid,
Letting you know everything might make things difficult
For me and for you too,
Or it might make everything just as wonderful as in my fantasies!!
Why am I saying all this when we share a pure knot,
For, this time, I hope, will hold no misunderstandings…
Weakness if I have any, it is you…
Hurt whenever I feel, is when you are hurt…
It’s true…

You are my True Love...