Still i am in love..

I never heard anyone playing violin in the background,
Still i am in love..
I never enjoyed winds blowing my hairs off when he is around,
Still i am in love..
I never felt butterflies in my stomach in his presence,
Still i am in love..
I never became an insomniac,
Still i am in love..
I never went out of words while talking to him,
Still i am in love..
I never missed out on my meals,
Still i am in love..
I never understood love,
Still i am in love :)

Am i good enough?

In past few days, i see everyone is appreciating me for something or the other.
I think they are trying to hide my not so good side from me.
I know what all is happening, I know i am such a big culprit, I know i have so many weaknesses, I know i try to run away from lots of responsibilities, I know whats going on here in my mind..

Things for which i am being appreciated are those which i can easily do. The work i am doing is of high value for a lot out there, but what am I gaining from this?
Self satisfaction?
No, because i know it doesn't take much out of me for the kind of work expected from me.
But people think I am good at it. Maybe they are right, still, what am i gaining from this?
Enjoyment for being appreciated?
Not really, because this guilt of knowing my reality wouldn't let me enjoy.
But yes, it does make me feel good sometimes.
Recently i got the best compliment, someone whom i admire is envious of me because he thinks he lacks the kind of talent i have.
But do i really have that talent for which i am being praised?
I have a lot in my mind, unfortunately i have only questions in here, no answers..
I don't even know what i want from my life.
A respectable Job? I already have one,
Decent salary? yes its pretty much decent
A happy family? Obviously i have a lovely family

Then what is it that is bothering me....????
Am I good enough for the good things i get to hear about myself?
I need to hear the truth.. Though i know what the truth is.. but i want someone to tell me...
Neha, you need to change yourself, you need to remove all the dark clots you have in your mind and heart.
Phew!!

Yes now it feels lil good.

Dilli ki galiyo mein...

I wonder, if it was in the capacity of Delhi to offer me so many places to visit over just one wekend, or was tht for my own capacity to roam around aimlessly & continously.

Places i covered over the last weekend:
1) CP
2) Jama Masjid
3) Chawree Bazar
4) Atta Market (& GIP & CSM) Noida
5) Khan Market
6) India Gate
7) Chandni Chowk/ Paranthe vali gali
8) Red Fort
9) Saket Select City Walk
10) Band Baja Barat & Phas gaye re obama

it was just not like me.. n i m so amazed at my own courage to travel in metro, autos, rickshaws, and through dilli's tight n blocked streets....
And i got good stories for each of my destinations.
An interesting, long, tiring, happening weekend it was for sure :)
and now i wish this monday morning i could skip my office!!

The Seven Love Lessons....

6^th standard, Bhavan's Public School, Amritsar. We were asked to join either of sports or NCC. I chose to try my hand at Badminton.

It was for the first time that I started saying this word, “Love”, so openly.

Love All, the start. The start of what?

A war starting with “Love All”! Really.. how is this possible.. What was in that person's mind who devised this term..!!

I obviously don't have answers to this question.

But I have something about which I was longing to write from quite some time.

I have learnt many love lessons during different phases of my life. Here I wish to share the Seven Love Lessons.

Lesson 1: Love is a feeling which has no definition, its extent cannot be bound in any length of words.

Ever since I started realizing feelings, I have known Love as a feeling. A feeling, which makes my parents concerned about my every wish, small or big, possible or impossible. A feeling, which makes my sisters worry every time I try to prove I am a grown up girl and I can handle things on my own. A feeling, which makes my friends care about the silliest of my issues. A feeling, which is pious of all the immaterial and material things. A feeling which cannot be described and can only be felt only somewhere deep inside.

Love neither has any reasons. Its just so unconditional in its existence.

Lesson 2: Love all!

My first worldly experience with this word told me to love all. When I look deep into it, I see, I was told to love not only my friends but also my opponents. Even if anyone is against me, only thing I am supposed to do is to love that person, pray for the well being of that person. If I am questioned for my deeds or if I am challenged for my righteousness, I only have to prove by playing my part honestly as I used to do by playing against my opponents with an earnest conviction of winning.

Lesson 3: Loving more than the love you receive will only increase love in your life.

Love, in my life, could not end just with this “Love All” game.

It had to go further.. much further..

As a child, I used to wonder, what forces my parents to care about me so much. What are they getting in return. Now I know, its love.. “an investment which doesn't seek any returns”.

I am fortunate to cherish all the love bestowed upon me by many good God's souls, but fairly not fortunate enough to be able to revert all the love I am blessed with.

The number of ways in which I have received love, the number of sources of love I have cherished, I wish someday I be able to outnumber that.

More u love, more you receive love, happier and happier becomes your life.

It then becomes an infinitely increasing love loop... :)

Lesson 4: Love - Handle with care.

Its only a mother's love that knows to give and keeps giving forever, without asking for anything back. My mother will do anything for me, she is not concerned about how tired she is or how busy she is. Yes I do share a lovely father-daughter relationship also. But papa would not always be polite to all my actions. He would demand justifications for the things he thinks are not good for me.

After all somebody in the family has to take responsibility of me not turning to a spoilt kid.

All other relationships that share a love bond need careful handling.

Don't ever take your love for granted. There are expectations involved in most of the relations. And its only up-to you to improve or spoil any relation.

Lesson 5: Love is not a measurable quantity.

Never compare anyone's love towards you, as there are no means to measure love. “I love you more than anyone else” stands no meaning. Love either exists or it doesn't. Its simple.

Love is a state which takes you to purity. Do not demean it.

Try finding out reasons for loving someone, if its a measurable check list, this definitely isn't Love. Stop be-fooling yourself.

Lesson 6: Love is about being Selfish.

Selfish! Did I just mention a word called “Selfish”!! when everyone says love is about sacrifices, its about forgetting your pains and making the other person happy, how can I even think love is Selfish....

Well relax.. I can explain this one...

Sacrifices come naturally. Sacrifices in love are not the ones which u might do downheartedly, but these are of a higher division. You don't even realize you just sacrificed something, you feel happy because you gave a smile to the person you love. And this becomes the reason for your happiness.

If you are really selfish in love, you would want to see yourself more happy. And for that you will do whatever it takes to make your loved one happy.

So what I mean to say is, more selfish you become in your relationship, more happy and strong becomes your love bond.

Stupid logic I know, but there has to be some fun in love. Every rule should not be so serious :)

Lesson 7: There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

When two people are in Love, their happiness gets connected. Love is a state of being in haven.

You pray for your Love's happiness before praying for yours.

You see your own joy in loving, you find yourself special when you are loved.

Love is indeed simplest of all definitions & still is more complicated than any complex scientific theory..

Respect this feeling. Don't waste time digging reasons for the acts that don't please you at times. Using spade for going deep in mud will only spoil the crop that might turn to a good fruit plant very soon. Ignore a few thorns that might hurt you rarely, for once the plant is nurtured with love and care, your life will be a happy life forever... :)

I will wait till i die...

U said u are by my side
And so I got the reason of my life

U said u will never ignore
Thts when My faith got lifted a lil more

U promised many things
I had confidence within

U confirmed it again
And My belief sustained

Then U found ur life's prorities
I accepted my fate's atrocities

U kept on extending ur pauses
While I could hardly present my clauses

So U said u will try
But Do U kno.. that for u,
I will wait till i die...